A Year Of Static and Noise

Well here we are, another year almost over. Seventeen hours from now ( well more like eleven hours now, I did write this out 6 hours ago) 2010 will be behind us, and 2011 will be beginning. I always find the end of the year to be a rather bittersweet moment. On the one hand your having to say goodbye to twelve months. Twelve months of memories and moments. Moments that were amazing, heartbreaking, enlightening, scary. For some we've had to say goodbye to people, important people. Whether its because they to move on and start the next chapter of their lives, or because it was simply their time to go and meet whatever or whoever is waiting to greet us when our time on Earth is done.

And on the other hand we get to usher in a whole new year. A whole new slate is set before us, and we get to make new memories. Meet new people. See new things. To try and find the extraordinary in everyday. And so comes the bittersweetness of saying goodbye the year, and hello to the new one.

Yet, as bittersweet as I find the prospect of the New Year, I find it as equally thrilling. A whole new year of the unknown, and I look forward to what it may bring. One of the things I love the most about the new year is the moment I take to reflect on the things that happened the year before.

2010 wasn't a bad year, wasn't exactly the greatest, but not bad. i met some extraordinary people. people who have changed my life and helped shape me a little bit more into the person I am now. I've seen things through a new viewpoint, one that I probably would have never seen if it weren't for them. And I hope they understand how much they are cared for, even if I haven't said it to them outloud.

I've lost some people too. People I never thought I'd lose, and it wasn't entirely their fault. It was mine too. My inability to just speak up, and face a problem head on and make things better. I miss you, you know? I miss the talks, drives, and all around randomness. And I love you. More importantly I'm sorry. Sorries than you'll ever know.
I guess this year has taught me a lot. I've learned how to be a better mother. I've watched Jonathan grow from toddler to child in what seems like a blink of an eye. Jonathan brought some of the funniest and scariest moments of 2010. I have never laughed as much than when I listen to Jonathan tell some crazy, off the wall story that he's cooked up with his ever expanding imagination. I've also learned a great deal about patience, believe me you would too if you had a five year old with the attitude of a fifteen year old. I've watched in amazement as he's learned how to use a computer, and without breaking anything either. Cried when he lost his first tooth (hey, I'm a Mom okay?) And 2011 brings kindergarten. Which is exciting but at the same time terrifying. I've spent every moment of Jonathan's life (or just about every moment) with him. What am I going to do with free time during the day?

And with that thought I'm brought to something new I picked up in 2010. Baking. And I'm not talking about any of that box stuff. I'm talking sifter, flour, cracked eggs, burned cookies baking. This year was Red Velvet...who knows what 2011 will bring.
But I guess what I learned the most about this year was, me. I learned that I'm not as strong as I pretend to be, and I've also learned that being strong isn't always whats important. What's important is knowing when to ask for helo, but more importantly that asking for help is okay, and often times the wise choice, because to struggle through a hard moment in life alone is not the way to do it. No need to be a martyr if you have people who love you and are more than happy to be that rock when you need it.

I've learned just recently that to hold onto something that obviously isn't yours to hold onto is too heartbreaking to do, and it drains you of too much of your emotional strength, and really it makes you feels incredibly stupid when you come to the realization for yourself.
I've realized that just because I care as much as I do for the people in my life, that it doesn't mean that they to get to have free reign over me, my life, or my emotions. I learned that I have to be me. Crazy, random, music-loving, bathroom dancing, hairbrush singing, nail polish addicted, make-up loving me. And thats OKAY! Because if anyone in my life wants to change that or me, or doesn't like it, they know where the door is and they are more than welcome to let the door hit them on the ass on their way out.

So in 2010 I've Lived. Loved. Laughed. Cried. Fought. Won. Loss. But whats important is that I've learned, and I have every intention of taking those lessons, those memories, taking all the little moments with me into 2011 and making it an amazing year.
I have many big plans and resolutions for 2011. Big plans I say!

1. Graduate High School
2. Be a healthier, happier me!
3. Blog everyday
4. Be serious about my writing
5. See or do something new every day
6. Show the people who matter how much they are appreciated
7. Laugh more
8. Journal every single day (even if I did absolutely nothing, if I write a big Nothing across the page it still counts....at least in my book it does.)
9. Be me and be okay with it!
10. Be Happy!

So friends, there you have it. 2010 in my words, or maybe its just static and noise. I hope all of you had a good year, and if you didn't then I sincerely hope that 20110 brings nothing but happiness and joy.

Remember life is what you make it. So make the most of it. Your in control of your destiny, and don't let anyone, or anything tell you that your dreams aren't worth it. Fight for them, because your worth it.

Love,

Amber