Well, here it is 2010 has officially begun. Usually, I have my end of the year blog written before or on New Years eve, but 2009 was such a hard year that I have found myself contemplating how it's possible to fit in everything that I want to say, because we all know, when I want to tell a story, it's never going to be a short one. This year was a year of growth and grief. Yet at the end of all of it I have discovered that more than anything, it was a year of personal doscovery, but I'll touch on that later.
Personal Ups of the year:
* Twitter is definitely at the top of my list, only because it brought me closer to people who otherwise, I would only get to talk to when we happened to be online at the same time especially Evan. (You have no idea how much you taught me, not only about sports, but also about music and the world in general! So I have to say thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.)
* New friends, who have shown me that not everyone is the same, and that I will make it through.
* Watching Jonathan grow up before my eyes, and realizing that I have one very intelligent child on my hands, and I am not just saying that because he is my little boy (though I do tend to be biased)
* Growing closer to Matt's family. Amazing isn't it, how you can become closest to people when your going through times of despair.
* Falling even more in love with Matt. Believe it or not, we hit a really rough patch last year, and as hard as it was, the discussion of divorce came up, and even now as I write this, it sends shivers down my spine. As difficult as it was to face that discussion head on, it in the end, brought so much closer, and forced us to fight for each other. To fix the things in ourselves that needed fixing.
* My first "real" road trip. Driving from Charlotte, North Carolina to Tacoma, Washington, was probably the craziest thing I have ever done, but it was amazing. Gave me the chance to see some very amazing and beautiful sights, as well as to test the patience of being stuck in the car with my husband for hours upon hours a day lol.
* Probably, the biggest "UP" of 2009 in my personal life was writing again. I mean really writing. I lost it for a while, and when I started writing again, and sharing it with people their reactions to it left me breathless, and humbled. I rediscovered a gift that I was afraid that I had lost, and when I was told by many people, most of whom I have never met that something I wrote changed their life or made them look at things differently, was so amazing, that I cannot find the words to describe it.
Personal Downs of the Year
* Going through one of the darkest depresssions that I have gone through in a long time. It was so hard at times that I was terrified I wouldn't find my way out of it.
*Dealing with self-injury. For a long time I hid from everyone, and when I finally did start telling people, I realized that I am not as alone as I thought that I was.
* Not being able to finish school because of money "issues"
* Money. Need I say more????
2009, was the hardest year that I have been through since 2001, when my Dad passed away. Not only personally, but the world over. With that said, there were also amazing moments, that will be alive in all of our memories for the rest of our lives, as well as live in history books to come. The inauguration of our 44th president, Barack Obama, the first African-American president, and a renewed hope for all of us, an amazing moment, which sadly, I missed because I was classroom parent that day for Jonathan's pre-school class, yet I will never forget when class was over and parent after parent came in, eyes red, proof of their tears, and it was all from listening to his speech. I really kicked myself for missing that one. Yet, a few weeks later, sitting in the e.r with my best friend I read his speech in a magazine and will gladly and proudly admit that I was reduced to tears by it. Honestly, and as sad as this is going to sound, all of those amazing moments that happened in 2009 were severely outweighed by the horrible things that happened.
Recessions, 6 officers being killed in my state, and what I feel is one of the deadliest years in Hollywood. Which is where I will touch on next.
Deadliest Year In Hollywood?
* Steve McNair
* Michael Jackson (will be touching on this further down, keep an eye out on it)
* Ed McMahon
* Billy Mays
* Farrah Fawcett
* David Carradine
* Wayman Tisdale
* Dom DeLuise
* Bea Arthur
* Nick Adenhart
* Natasha Richardson
* Jeremy Lusk
* Jett Travolta
* Walter Cronkite
* Les Paul
* Ted Kennedy
* Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein
* Patrick Swayze
* Britney Murphy
Sadly, thats only part of the list that I found, but trying to write all of the names would have me here until 2011....
The Day The World Stood Still...
Five days before entering the seventh month of 2009 the world lost one of the most iconic musical artists in the world, and when the news hit that on June 25th, Michael Joseph Jackson the world stood still. The entire internet almost shut down, from the sheer enormity of traffic from people scrambling to find if it was true. I was one of those people. When I got the text from Matt telling that it was reported that Michael collapsed from a heart attack I couldn't believe it. So I jumped online and found out it was so much worse than that, he died. A golden heart stopped beating that day, and with that, the world became a little bit of a darker place to be in. Despite people's opinions of his odd behavior and eccentricities, his talen and giving heart was undeniable. I remember the day I fell in love with the man and his music, and I cried that day, with millions, possibly billions of people across the globe at the amazing loss. I watched the memorial, and I smiled through the words and memories that some people shared, the lucky ones who not only knew Michael as an artist and performer, but who knew him as a person. I applauded Janet when she spoe at the BET Music Awards, and her words weighed heavy on my heart. I cringed when people speculated openly about what would be found in his home. I am a true fan, and I will be until the day I die, but I have to think, even if I wasn't a fan, how is it that even after death, people just cant seem to leave him alone. So he was a little different? Does his differences, and the way he lived his life really negate the undeniable truth that he was one of the most influential artists of all time? I dont think so, then again who am I and what does my opinion matter any? My sincere hope, is that going into 2010, people will finally leave him be, and remember him as Michael the artist, not Michael the "wierdo." RIP Michael.
Final Thoughts....
Well, I think that about sums it up for this blog. All that is left is to tell of things I am striving for in 2010.
* Finish School (lets face it I need to get on the ball.)
* Quit Smoking (much harder than I thought it would be.)
* Continue to write no matter what anyone thinks or says. It's what I love.
* Become a better person
* Touch someone's life.
* Witness a Miracle.
* Find God again....
I don't know what more I can say about 2009, other than honestly I am glad its over. The memories whether good or bad will always be with me, and I will grow from them. I extend to everyone this advice. Live in the moment, because lets face it, tomorrow is not guaranteed, so do what you love, laugh often, cry less, and make the most of every single day!
To my friends I love you all and thank you for the memories.
To my family, you are all so amazing and I look forward to making 2010 a great year with all of you!
So in the words of a dear friend, Goodbye 2009...Go F*** Yourself!!!! ( Sorry, I had to add that in there)
Love Always,
Amber-Marie
